Umiyuri Star
by Zokusho
Summary: This is a crack fic, a crossover with Lucky Star and Umiyuri High. The latter is an original anime'ish fiction with characters based on people on Mostly Lucky Star Forum.


**Pen, Paper, Action!: Umiyuri Star: Chapter 1: The Arrival**

**Warning:** this is a crack fic and a crossover with Lucky Star and Umiyuri High. The latter is an original fiction series based on the people on Mostly Lucky Star Forum. Basically, it's a Japanese high school or sorts. It includes supernatural elements and lots of kinky stuff. Definitely M rated or worse, but this fic won't have anything quite like that.

I think this one will have at least two chapters.

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><p>Kagami, closely followed by perplexed Tsukasa hanging onto her sleeve, entered the classroom. Some of the students who had arrived earlier turned their heads and looked at them with curiosity.<p>

This was the first day of high school and the very first hour at the school. For some reason, there had not been an excursion and a uniform fitting day as usual. So they were not wearing uniforms. Come to think of it, all this felt a bit unusual because –

Kagami's thoughts were interrupted as one of the students pounced on her, wrapping her arms around her neck. She was short, shorter than anyone else in the class, had an impossibly long mass of blue hair which reached almost her heels, an _ahoge_ swaying on top of her head, and mischievous emerald eyes – which were now staring at Kagami's eyes at a much too intimate distance.

"Konata! Get off of me!" Kagami yelled.

"Kagami-sama! I have missed you so much!"

Kagami stopped struggling as she realized something odd. "Konata … how come you have missed me because we have never met before?"

"We haven't?" Konata asked. "… I guess not. But you are my Kagamin! I know you well. You always let me copy your homework and … hm … no, you don't … I mean, I have never copied your homework yet."

Konata slid off of Kagami, deep in thoughts.

"And why are we here, in an art high school, anyway?" Kagami asked her sister Tsukasa.

Tsukasa looked every bit as puzzled as the others. "I don't know, onee-chan. I thought we applied to Ryōō High."

Konata snuggled closer to Kagami and hang onto her arm. "Aww, who cares, Kagamin. What's most important that we are finally in the same class!"

Kagami tried not to blush, but of course her cheeks were already turning red. "Wait, what do you mean, in the same class? We were in a different class before? Come to think of it, we are first-year students and I should have never even met you before! …yet … I k-know you…"

"Yeah, it's weird. I know you twin sisters like, like … the buttons of my hand console. And we all know Yuki-chan here –"

Indeed, the pink-haired, glasses-wearing genius with big boobs had come closer to greet them.

"Good morning, Kagami-san, Tsukasa-san, Izumi-san," said Miyuki, which all three others also knew, somehow. "This is indeed strange – ", but before she could extrapolate and start analyzing the situation, the class door opened and a teacher stepped in. It was a man probably in his late thirties, with blue hair and moustache, and wearing – strangely enough – a purple silk kimono.

"Take a seat, everyone!" he exclaimed. "I am Izumi-sensei, homeroom teacher of your class, which is 1-2. Welcome to Umiyuri High!"

In truth, he used some more words, for the whole name of the school was "Umiyuri High School of Art and Design, including Junior High."

Izumi-sensei licked his lips as his eyes slowly gazed upon all the students – one at a time. Kagami shivered a bit, because it felt as if this sensei was checking them out in a way inappropriate for a teacher.

"What a nice class we have this year," Izumi-sensei said, looking delighted. "I want to know each one of you intimately. And you can call me Zoey if you want!"

Kagami looked around and realized that there were no boys in this class at all.

"He's not related to me," Konata noted. "Though he does remind me of daddy."

"I see you do not yet have uniforms. Since this is the class for boarding students, your uniforms are at the sorority – I mean, dormitory."

Miyuki raised her hand.

"Yes, miss?"

Politely, Miyuki stood up to present her question. "Sensei, did you say, this class has … boarding students?"

Izumi-sensei, whose eyes were currently fixed at Miyuki's chest, grinned. "Why, of course. You are all ones who stay at the school dormitory. It's owned by Yurikai, the Student Council, and one of the sisters will be there and give you a tour and a briefing about the rules. I'm pleased to inform you that we only have female students who are boarding."

Kagami didn't quite like the way _how_ pleased this teacher looked because there were only girls in here.

"And you … miss Miyuki Takara?"

As Miyuki nodded, Izumi-sensei continued, "Would you like to be the class representative for this semester?"

"I'm honored by this offer, sensei."

"Besides, you've got the biggest – I mean, the best, umm, grades. From middle school," Izumi-sensei added, staring at Miyuki. And he still wasn't staring at her eyes.

"Anyway! This brings in my mind another subject. Please, do not be ashamed to tell me, that is, your dear friend Zoey, if you are feeling any sort of attachment to your homeroom teacher. That is perfectly natural, considering the hormonal balance at your pristine age. You might ask what harm can come when a young maiden such as yourself being drawn towards this attractive chevalier, to find yourself opening like a beautiful flower in warmth of the morning sun, enjoying the simple blossoming of womanhood –"

"Izumi-sensei!" a sharp voice at the door interrupted his monologue. "What are you doing? We were supposed to take all the first-years to a tour. Stop blathering."

At the door was another teacher, pink-haired, and wearing glasses. Behind her there was a crowd of first-years from other classes.

"Oh, that's right, Hina-chan … I mean Yakedo-sensei-sama! We need to show them the ladies' rooms and stuff," Izumi-sensei noted, and stood up. "You heard the lady. Grab a pair and form a line, please. Remember to choose a partner you like!"

The confused students stumbled onto their feet. Konata, on the other hand, was in the know and immediately grabbed Kagami's hand. "My partner!" she cooed, and rested her head onto Kagami's shoulder.

This act quickly earned her another bump onto her head from Kagami's knuckles. Nevertheless, Kagami didn't switch Konata to her sister, but let Miyuki pair up with Tsukasa.

The tour was interesting to say the least. Izumi-sensei seemed to know everything about ladies' rooms, girls' dressing rooms, the swimming pools, the baths and saunas – yes, there was even an outdoor bath which, as he claimed, got its water from a hot spring, and Finnish saunas in the school. He also took everyone to the roof, which, according to him, was a great place for secret trysts and for making out.

After a while, Yakedo-sensei took the reins and showed the students places more relevant to studying.

デリミタ デリミタ デリミタ

"Boarding school! We are in a boarding school!" Kagami groaned again, as they were walking towards the dormitory later that day. The route went through a garden – an immense and trimmed garden, that is, with both Japanese and Western sections, and a huge assortment of trees, bushes, plants, and flowers. All the cherry trees were blossoming beautifully.

"It does make sense," Miyuki noted. "It would take ages for you to get to Saitama and back here every day. It's up to three hours even to my house, depending on the traffic."

"But we didn't apply for a boarding school!" Kagami muttered. But, for the moment, there was nothing she could do about it. She would have to call their parents and ask how this had happened. Maybe their parents were responsible of them being sent here. She did know that Umiyuri was a prestigious school, and had an even higher rating than Ryōō High.

Tsukasa grabbed Kagami's hand and whispered, "Onee-chan, I'm scared. How can we manage without mom and dad?"

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you," Kagami said.

"Kagamin, w-would you take care of me as well," Konata whispered, blinking her tearing eyes and hanging onto Kagami's free hand.

"Stop faking. You're obviously having the time of your life, Konata," Kagami groaned.

Konata couldn't keep her face straight but chuckled.

"Whoa!" she gasped. They had just came out of the park and saw two magnificent buildings: one, a richly decorated wooden building in the Meiji restoration style, and another, three-story building which looked more or less like a luxury hotel.

"I presume the antique building is the Council House," Miyuki noted, leafing through the guidebook they had been given, "and this modern residence here is the dormitory."

More exactly, it was Girl's dormitory, according to the sign above of the door. Outside the door there was a stern-looking third-year student, wearing a full-length black dress in Victorian style. "You, girls!" she shouted at them. "Come here, quickly. But don't run! It's inappropriate for ladies to run."

The third-year shook her head as they gathered around her. "Girls, girls. You are slouching. A lady should keep her head high and keep an excellent posture at all times."

She sighed deeply and opened the door. "The doors are locked at eight p.m. every evening and unlock at six a.m. You are not allowed to go outside during the night. And I must emphasize that male visitors are strictly forbidden!"

"Can our dad visit…?" Tsukasa piped.

"No. Not even your male relatives are allowed inside this building. Not even male teachers."

"Not even firemen? If there's a fire –"

Konata was interrupted. "No! No males, not for any reason. Besides, having a fire in this building is forbidden –"

"What a silly place," Kagami muttered. The third-year glared at her angrily, and hissed, "Any breaching of the rules is punishable by flogging."

The girls' jaws fell open. Tsukasa turned pale. "F-f-flogging? Does it hurt?"

"Of course it hurts! It wouldn't be much of a punishment if it didn't – but, if you think you are too frail to writhe under the lash, the punishment can be switched to another one."

Konata opened her mouth, but Kagami prodded her with her elbow, before she started asking for more details. Tsukasa hung onto Kagami's arm, her lower lip twitching. "Onee-chan, I'm scared…" she whispered.

"I'll personally punish each and every one of this council of yours if you even glance sideways at Tsukasa!" Kagami growled, glaring at the third-year from under her brow.

The third-year gulped – it looked like she got the message. "R-right … well, there's nothing to worry about if you just follow the rules. Which I'm sure you will do. Walk this way, please."

The third-year turned around and walked in with a trot of an Arab horse in dressage.

"If we could walk that way –" Konata was interrupted by another prod of Kagami's elbow.

"Your room is here in the first floor," the third-year explained, pointing at things with her hand. "This here is the first-year's kitchen, here are the, umm, facilities –"

Apparently saying the word 'toilet' was inappropriate for ladies. "Anyway, this engraving here lists all the rules."

Literally, the rules were set in stone. A long list of rules. Tsukasa looked like she was about to panic because there was no way she could memorize something that long. Besides, she had trouble reading all the elaborate kanji used.

Their guide saw them – or some of them – desperately trying to read the wall, so she noted, "Don't worry, all the rules are also in your student guidebook. You will have plenty of time to memorize them before lights out tonight."

"Memorize…?" Konata sighed. "Do you mean we have to remember all of this?"

"What!" Kagami groaned. "'Swords, revolvers, and other dangerous items must be kept in their scabbards and holsters at all times.'"

"Of course. Isn't that natural?" the third-year said, shrugging her shoulders.

Konata's eyes glinted and suddenly she seemed much more interested in the rules. "So carrying guns and swords is okay?"

"Umm …" the third-year looked slightly baffled. "I never even thought of the implications of that rule."

Tsukasa giggled and pointed at one of the lines she was able to read. "Look at this one: 'Love letters must clearly state the recipient and must be placed into the letterbox of the recipient's room.'"

"Yes, well, we've had problems with stray love letters … misunderstandings when a wrong person got a letter … and things like that," their guide explained, with her cheeks now blushing a bit.

"What's this 'Apology Ceremony at Council House' listed under the punishments?" Kagami asked.

"Ahem … that's enough questions for now," their guide said, and motioned the four friends to follow her. "I have other duties coming up soon, so I'll just show you your room."

"Kagamin, do you think I should carry two swords like a samurai? My family is samurai, you know," Konata chirped.

"No, I don't think you should carry any weapons!"

デリミタ デリミタ デリミタ

"What a gorgeous room!" Tsukasa gasped at the door.

They had expected something akin to soldier barracks, but their accommodations were spacious, clean, and new, and they had a view into the flower garden through two picture windows. The room was fully furnished, with a luxurious four-poster bed, a table, a chair, and a wardrobe for each of them.

There were two other doors in the room, the other leading into a toilet, and the other hiding a very large bathroom with a gigantic Jacuzzi.

"I'm afraid this is a Western style room," their guide muttered. "Now, make sure you remember the rules, keep this room clean at all times, oh, and you should switch into your school uniforms and wear them from now on. I have to take my leave. I am on duty tonight, so if you have any reasonable questions, you can see me at the office."

The four girls politely bowed as their third-year guide walked out and closed the door behind her.

Somewhat overwhelmed, the four girls looked at each other. "So, how do we choose which bed is for whom?" Konata asked.

"I think they have already chosen it for us. I see my suitcase beside that bed …" Kagami walked closer. "And here's a guidebook with my name on it. Oh, and our school uniforms are on the beds!"

Excitedly, the others rushed to see their beds. All their luggage had been brought into the room.

"Oh, how much I missed you, my precious!" Konata yelled, rubbing her cheek against her hand console.

"Kuma-chan! Banii-chan! Hitsuji-chan! Meemee-chan! Ika-chan! Nyan-chan! …" Tsukasa had jumped onto her bed and was greeting all her plush toys.

"I am pleased to see that my entire library of scientific volumes is intact," Miyuki noted as she piled several thick books onto the table.

Kagami sneered at them and began to look at her school uniform. All in all, it wasn't that different from what she would have worn at Ryōō High. The winter uniform had a white buttoned shirt with black stripes at the collar and around the ends of the sleeves, a black skirt and ribbon, and a pair of black pumps. The summer uniform was quite similar, other than that it had greenish blue stripes and skirt, a red ribbon, and shorter sleeves.

She noticed Konata looking at her. "Well, Kagamin… – aren't you going to try it on?"

"Not while you're watching!"

"Aww, Kagamin. We are all girls here. There's nothing I haven't seen before."

Kagami glared at Konata. There was something wrong with that. As far as she knew, this was the first day she had even met this Konata Izumi, and they definitely had not spent any time together naked. Or not even in their underwear.

Blushing slightly, Kagami started to slowly unbutton her shirt. "Stop staring!" she groaned at Konata.

Konata winked an eye and began to pull her own shirt off.

Soon, they were all putting on their winter uniforms. Miyuki was wriggling and making weird sounds as she was putting the shirt on.

"Is there a problem, Yuki-chan?" the ever-helpful Konata asked, getting closer to Miyuki.

"I-I can't seem to be able close the top two buttons of this shirt…"

"Whoa. That's really tight … around your chest," Konata noted. A very generous amount indeed of Miyuki's cleavage was left out in the open because the shirt was too tight and she couldn't button it up all the way. Kagami didn't like the way Konata was leering at Miyuki. "Stop staring at her chest!" she ordered.

Konata turned around, grinning from ear to ear, and began to stare at Kagami instead. Kagami had had no problems putting on the uniform, but she was blushing because the skirts were … short. Really, really short. In fact, they were practically miniskirts.

Konata had the advantage of being the shortest of them all, so for her the skirt covered slightly more of her bare, tanned thighs than it did for Kagami. Kagami quickly turned her eyes away from Konata's tanned thighs and blushed even deeper.

"Don't worry, Yuki-chan. Earlier today I saw this red-haired second-year girl with the same problem. Only her problem was even _bigger!_ –"

"Shut up, Konata," Kagami growled. "This isn't right. And I don't mean just Miyuki's – I mean, look at these skirts! These are way too short. If I bend over …"

Kagami couldn't continue the sentence and she blushed brightly again.

"What, Kagamin? I don't understand," Konata complained, pretending innocence. "Could you bend over so that I can see what happens –"

"Shut up!" Kagami yelled again and smacked Konata on the head.

Tsukasa was standing at the full-length mirror on the side wall of the room, and twirling around. "This is a nice uniform! I like it!" she chirped, completely unaware of any "problems" with it.

"Loosen up, Kagamin. Everyone will be wearing the same uniform, who cares –"

Kagami interrupted, "I don't think so, Konata. Didn't you see that the third-year was wearing something completely different … something out of M*rimite. There something wrong with all of this. This school, this dormitory with the weird rules – including flogging! – these uniforms … everything."

"Well, Kagami-san, maybe we should investigate this school further? There is still plenty of time before the statutory curfew. Perhaps we could seek out the library and find out more about these facilities. I have to admit I have never even heard of this Umiyuri High before. Considering the fact that it is supposed to be one of the most prestigious in Tokyo, I find this lack of beforehand information somewhat unusual," Miyuki spoke.

"Did you mean we should go to the library?" Konata asked, because she couldn't understand half of those difficult Japanese words Miyuki had used.

デリミタ デリミタ デリミタ

When the four friends had searched for the library for half an hour, they were slowly beginning to realize how immense this school really was. On their way to the library so far they had bumped into a full-size indoor sports field, a kendo dojo, several classrooms fully equipped with computers, and a theater having thousands of seats.

As they turned around a corner, a small, green-haired girl, wearing the school uniform but also – as they later noticed to their amazement – a gun holster on her hip, walked straight into Miyuki. The girl had been walking with her head hung down and not paying much attention to her surroundings.

As the girl's face crashed into Miyuki's chest, one of Miyuki's buttons flew off and the girl's face was buried deeply in between Miyuki's delicious jugs.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry!" Miyuki gasped. "I wasn't looking where I was going."

The girl didn't respond. She had fallen limp and Miyuki had to grab her before she collapsed onto the floor. Inadvertently she was now also squeezing the girl's face even deeper into her cleavage.

Konata, looking a bit jealous, noted, "Yuki-chan, you're choking the girl with your boobs…"

"Oh!"

Kagami glared at Konata. Did she like Miyuki more than her? As Kagami realized what she was thinking her cheeks started burning again and she knew she was blushing.

Miyuki pushed the girl backwards, and her head popped out. The girl had turned scarlet red, but she wasn't really choking. On the contrary, she was breathing really fast and her eyes were rolling in her head. Gently, Miyuki set the girl onto the floor so that her back leaned against the wall.

"What's wrong with her?" Konata asked.

"I think she's hyperventilating," Miyuki speculated.

"Do we have a paper bag?" Tsukasa asked. "If someone's hyperventilating, they should breathe into a paper bag."

Miyuki bent over to look into the girl's eyes, a position which didn't enhance the girl's condition. "That is not recommended practice in these situations. It might dangerously elevate the carbon dioxide levels in person's body. It is better to get her to talk. So, what is your name, miss?"

"M-m- Mei …" the girl gasped. "Mei Suzuki – haah – I'm i-in class 2-2 – haah –"

"S-she's carrying a gun!" Tsukasa gasped, and turned pale.

"Apparently it _is_ allowed –" Kagami muttered. "And Konata, you'd better not get any weird ideas."

"Is this a real gun, Suzuki-san?" Miyuki asked.

The girl was recovering from her condition. But when stared at by four people, she quickly averted her eyes, hung her head down in embarrassment, and her voice changed into a whisper. "Yes … but never mind that ... you are first-years? Please, listen to me … this is important …"

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><p>If you want to know more about Umiyuri High, check out Mostly Lucky Star Forum.<p>

Did you notice the Council member pointed at things with her hand? That's because pointing at people with a finger is considered rude in Japan; they are accustomed to pointing with their hand.

The full rules of the dormitory are taken from actual, real world rules of a Japanese dormitory. The ones the girls listed aren't, though.


End file.
